Somehow, I’ve been on this planet for 40 rotations around the sun..WILD!
I remember when my mom turned my age, and it sounded soooo old…lol!
Even though I fully believe the last 2 pandemic birthdays don’t really count, the numbers don’t lie!
Getting older is such a unique gift that inevitably brings with it anxiety, and fear.
Quick Yoga Sutra moment: Patanjali states that there are obstacles, or afflictions, (kleshas) that obscure or disrupt any seeker’s path. Abhinivesah (Y.S. 2.9) is the “fear of death” which according the Pandit Rajmani Tigunait in his commentary, The Practice of Yoga Sutra - Sadhana Pada, carries it’s own essence that predominates the consciousness of the wisest sages.
One more quick side story: when I was in college, my birthday was always on Spring Break. It only feels proper to go out of town for my birthday, and I also believe that everyone else deserves a week off as well. #yourewelcome
Back on track: Leading up to this birthday, I felt a lot of dread, and anxiety…but let’s be honest, that’s not all that different than the last two pandemic years.
Sure, I’ve heard the messages of society around aging.
Yep, I have regrets, and wonder if I would make the same decisions.
You betcha, I’m unsure of how the last decade passed so quickly.
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda…
AND!!!
I also feel the most like myself than ever before.
SWASTHA…
A sanskrit word worthy of extended contemplation.
Swa = my own self
Stha = to be situated in
= to be firmly established in oneself, and often loosely translated as “health and well-being”
I’ve been sitting with this word, and noticing the times when I feel established in myself, and also the times that I most certainly don’t feel that way.
When I'm most feelin' myself:
Time spent in nature
Nourishing myself with home cooked meals
Taking time to sit
Saying NO to things that aren’t a HELL YES
Reading fiction before bed
Honoring my unique rhythms
Weekly therapy sessions
Clear communication with loved ones
Not-so-much:
Excessive scrolling
Comparison mode
Saying YES to everything
Skipping meals
Taking on the opinions of others as my own
Believing the lies of my depression/anxiety
There are definitely times where I feel further from myself than ever before. And then the elliptical swings back around and BAM! There I am, shinier and brighter than ever before.
Sometimes, it's hard work to shift back into spaces of feeing established. Having a variety tools helps me find my way home, no matter how far I may have wandered.
For me, Swastha is the feeling of grounding that I've longed searched for outside of myself. It's a confident curiosity that allows me to ask questions, learn, and rest.
It's the embodiment of "Both, AND" as I'm flexible and open to possibility.
Swastha is an internal validation system that is able to respond to present moment situations, and adapt with ease.
It's a two-way conversation between me and my bodies (physical, energetic, mental, wisdom, bliss) from a space of compassion.
<deep breath>
Ahhhh
Swastha is peace in my soul, love in my heart, and a full/happy belly.
Sending embodiment, Health, and understanding straight to you.
xoxo
Grace (she/her)